Christmas in Translation

This post was originally published on Anastasia Vitsky's blog.

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Poland. It was the country my parents fled, the place whose oppressive regime and limited options drove them to immigrate to the United States before I was born. Poland was the wreck my family had swerved to avoid, the baseline used to discredit my teenage dramas (“You could have been born in Poland! Then you would have NO designer jeans!”). It was like an estranged relative, both conspicuously absent and undeniably present in my family.

Circa 1984, not in Poland

My Whole30 Odyssey: I ate real food for 30 days; here's what happened.

Have you ever been in a relationship that makes you miserable, in which you consistently make terrible choices, but you're unable to detach because I love him! or She's my best friend! - and then you finally take some time apart, see the situation with clarity, and realize you were being a fool?

Do you ever run so many programs on your computer that it starts slowing down, crashing, whirring, and the only solution is to hold down the power button, wait a long minute, and start fresh?

These two metaphors come to mind as I reflect on the last month. My toxic relationship was with food, and my body was the tired computer that needed a hard reboot.

I had gained 20 pounds in 6 months. Some of it was residue of a fun summer of travel and socializing. Some of it was due to mindless snacking and joyless overeating. All of it combined to make me feel tired, run-down, and defeated. I wanted someone to tell me exactly what to do, and so I turned to this program I'd heard rave reviews about.

My Whole30: A View From Day 8

A week ago, I began a month-long odyssey known as Whole30. No sugar, grain, dairy, legumes, or alcohol. No artificial sweeteners, chemicals, or heavily processed food.

If you're the sort of person who's interested in other people's eating habits, you're probably thinking one of three things:

a. Rock on. I tried this/heard about this/eat like this every day.

b. That sounds vaguely interesting, but also impossible, because I'd never be able to give up ___.

c. What is wrong with you?? Giving up entire food groups? That's insane.

The first time I heard about the Whole30, my reaction was firmly c. I grew up with four food groups, in a world where bread was wholesome and milk-drenched bowls of cereal were "part of a complete breakfast."

Farewell, Preschool Mom.

I won’t get the empty house.

Stay-at-home mothers talk about the silence, the stillness, the freedom, the joy, and the little bit of longing they feel when the school bus drives off and they find themselves alone at home for the first time.

I’m a working mother. Evie and Felix are daycare kids. I’ve been packing lunches and writing names on jackets since they were in diapers. Our house is empty on most weekdays, and only the cats are home to enjoy the stillness. The transition from preschool to kindergarten shouldn’t be a big deal.

And yet, it is.

When that little boy with the lion keychain on his backpack walks to the bus stop with his big sister, a phase of my life is officially over. Preschool Mom is done.

Nectarine Mousse Cake (Gateau de Mousse a la Nectarine)

26 years ago, my parents and their friends hosted a Bastille Day dinner party in our neighbors' backyard. The inspiration and recipes came from the July 1989 issue of Gourmet Magazine.

No detail was overlooked, from the handwritten menus to the French wine. 

We talked about sending this photo to Gourmet. 

20 Things I Discovered at my 20-Year High School Reunion

1. There is so much warmth in recognition. I often found myself breaking into a huge smile at the sight of someone I had forgotten about until that very moment, only to see the same smile reflected back at me. 

2. The things I worried about were not the relevant things. There wasn’t a single moment when I felt judged for my appearance, my career, or dumb things I said and did as a teenager.

3. The best conversations were surprises. I walked away from a few conversations thinking, “That might be more than I ever talked to ___ in high school.” These new old friends were as wonderful as they were unexpected.

4. We see ourselves differently through others’ eyes. It's fascinating to juxtapose your self-perception with classmates' memories of what you were like. The truth probably is somewhere in between, and with bigger hair.

5. Men at a 20-year reunion look more different from their teenage selves than women do. Not necessarily older, just different. 

The High School Reunion Apology Form

This weekend, I’m attending my 20-year high school reunion. I want to have a good time, I want to enjoy the company of my friends and classmates and their politely obliging spouses. I want to drink wine and hear mid-90s grunge rock and reminisce about our big-haired years.

But first, I want to apologize.

I have a complicated relationship with my teenage self. She was a skinny, often infuriating person who simultaneous knew everything and nothing about life. 

What was your first rock concert?

Dear Evie & Felix,

This is one of those personal trivia questions that might come up in small talk or in a team-building exercise at work. Your answer says something about you, your childhood, and your family. 

Mine was Guns N Roses at the Fargodome; I was 14.

Most adults can remember their first concert with no effort, but you're pretty young so I'll fill in some details for you: Rock the Garden 2015, featuring Belle and Sebastian, Conor Oberst, Courtney Barnett, Lucius, and thestand4rd.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm Dear Evie & Felix,
You get asked this question a lot.

You'll hear it many more times in your life, and people will expect you to answer with the name of a job.

The Mom Jobs

I was 23. Sam, my fiancé at the time, and I were visiting my parents. By the door were a pair of men’s dress shoes: faded, worn out. Duct tape may have been involved in holding them together.

My mom pointed to the shoes and asked me, “Why haven’t you done anything about this?”

I didn’t understand the question. The shoes were obviously not mine.

“If you’re going to be his wife, you have to buy him new shoes. Can you imagine what your dad would be wearing if it weren't for me?” 

Hide or shine? Finding your professional voice in social media

Did you hear about the CFO who got fired over his YouTube rant? What about the PR exec who torpedoed her career with an inappropriate tweet?

You probably didn’t hear about the banker who met his mentor on an internal social network, the unemployed marketer who found her dream job via LinkedIn, or the corporate communicator who accelerated her career growth by blogging what she learned along the way.

In a world where casual conversations can be shared with the public and archived forever, you have two options: You can hide, or you can embrace social media and use it to shine.

A letter to Evie on her 8th birthday

Dear Evie,
Happy birthday! You woke up in the downstairs playroom, surrounded by four of your friends. I'm amazed by your cheerful moods, since there wasn't much slumber at your party, but chocolate chip pancakes and fairy-related cartoons and matching pajamas and birthday magic make for some happy girls.

Sparkly manicures make us feel glamorous.

Dear Me: 16 things I'd like to say to my 16-year-old self

Dear Me,

I'm your 36-year-old self. Our 20-year high school reunion is coming up, I've been reconnecting with classmates on this thing called Facebook, and I've been thinking about you and wishing I could offer some advice.

I'm presenting my thoughts in a futuristic format called the listicle. It's what writers in 2015 do when we're too lazy to write transition sentences and form a cohesive essay.

1. Spend less energy worrying about fitting in, and be a better friend to the kids who don't.

The Rolodex & The Airport Bar: How to handle LinkedIn Invitations

“I don’t know this person; why did he add me?”

“We worked together 10 years ago. Does that still count?”

“What about the weirdos?”

Every time I teach a LinkedIn class, I hear variations of the question “Who belongs in my network?”

The simple answer: Whomever you allow. You are the bouncer of your LinkedIn network. You get to hang the velvet rope, and you decide when to pull it aside.

Why I'm not giving up Facebook for Lent

It’s starting. Friends are posting their Facebook farewells, signing off until Easter, promising to spend more time in the “real world” with their families and their hobbies and nature and the important things.

…And it always stings a bit. Am I not important? Is our friendship not real?

I’m not giving up Facebook, but I think I understand why so many people do.