Monica: Would you be willing to sleep in McCarran Airport if it saves us $400 in air fare?
Sam: What? Why?
Monica: The flight from Fargo to Vegas gets in at 10:30 p.m.. That's too late to catch a flight to Reno, but we could fly out the next morning.
Sam: I am not sleeping in the airport. If you can find a hotel room, we'll talk.
Monica: Oooh, I can get a room at the Howard Johnson for 40 bucks. It's right next to the airport, and it has a free shuttle.
Sam: Sure.
Monica: I've never stayed at Howard Johnson, but it's a chain. How bad can it be?
Yesterday, 11:30 p.m., pulling up to the hotel.
Sam: I have a bad feeling about this.
Monica: It can't be worse than some of the other places we've stayed. Remember the Shady Court in Winnemucca?
Sam: What about the Onquirrh Inn outside Salt Lake City?
Monica: Yeah, where the desk clerk was negotiating a drug deal? That was awesome.
Sam: So many memories. Our hotel standards have really improved over the years.
Monica: Definitely. But I'm OK with slumming it for one night.
Midnight, entering the room.
Sam: The light switch doesn't work.
Monica: Let me turn on a lamp. Hmm, that doesn't work either.
Sam: Maybe the room is best viewed in the dark.
Monica: What's that smell?
Sam: Here's a light that works. Oh, good God!
Sam: It looks like they tried to make a patch out of the wallpaper.
Monica: I'm sure it's hard to find that wallpaper pattern anymore.
Sam: The patch isn't even in the right spot.
Monica: Ooh, check out this one! It looks like someone punched a hole in the wall.
Sam: Maybe he just found out that the escort service didn't take traveler's checks.
Monica: I can't believe this room has a fridge.
Sam: Hey, look, it's someone's leftovers!
Monica: Well, now we know where that smell was coming from. Close it!!!
Sam: That was once pasta.
Monica: And seafood.
Sam: My stomach doesn't feel well.
Monica: Well, we're not going to be here long. Just a few hours of sleep, maybe a shower. Oh my God, how do you get mildew to grow on the outside of a tub?
Sam: Well, I guess we won't be showering.
Monica: I would feel dirtier if I did.
Sam: Maybe I'll just watch some TV. Do you see a remote control anywhere?
Monica: Nope.
Sam: No remote. No TV guide. And check out the fuzzy picture. It's pirated cable!
Monica: Well, they have to keep their costs down somehow.
Sam: Remember that Simpsons, where they stay at the Happy Earwig?
Monica: I seriously didn't expect this. I thought that, since Howard Johnson is a chain...
Sam: That they'd have some kind of minimum standards?
Monica: Exactly.
Sam: Well, I think we just found that minimum.
Monica: Next time, we're staying at the airport.
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